Proud of my girl!

AnnaRose joined the Estevan Mermaids this year. That's our local Synchronised swimming team. She's been working so hard and last night the judge came down to do star testing. To receive a level one star, the girls had to preform a few figures and demonstrate some basic stuff like back layouts and so on. The 5 girls in Anna's group have been working very hard and I'm thrilled to say they all received their level one star. One girl in the group got her Level 2 star as well. Way to go!Anna was so tired at the end of her exam. She swam over to me and put her head down on the edge of the pool, too tired to even tell me she passed! In the change room she told me she was very proud of her self in an exhausted sort of way! I think it's the hardest thing she's ever done and she did it well. She's come such a long way since September and not just in swimming. She is growing into a beautiful young lady who is in control of her emotions (most of the time) and thoughtful and kind.My miracle baby continues to amaze me....

Gospel Chapel and other stuff

I'm not really ready to 'blog out' my whole church saga just yet but wanted to say we are settling back into a church we used to attend. They have welcomed us back with love and support. They have reminded us what church is 'supposed' to be about.
And God has restored a long ago friendship that was broken. It is good to have 'my boy' back. I've missed my lifelong best friend. Someday I'll tell that story too...

Who knew?

Who knew that this blog would not only chronicle my search for a new house but a new church as well? God did.
Anyway, this morning, my daughters and I are heading to the Church of Christ. I won't lie, it feels strange not going to EAC but I'm excited too. I can't wait to see what God has in store for this new chapter in life!

biggest fears

You know how all your life you're afraid of one thing that just might happen? Ok maybe you don't worry about it but I do. All my grown up life I've been afraid that my big mouth will get me in more trouble than I can get out of. I've been afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing to the wrong person and boom... I'm a bad person, my good reputation replaced with a bad one. Well I think I may have finally done it.
I had a meeting with a babysitting client, one final home visit before I began to babysit. Up to this point all is going great and we're set to go. I said some stupid thing that put me in a really bad light. It was meant as a joke, to help this mom relax about something and well it backfired in a big way.
Not only did she decide not to bring her son to my day home, she informed the parents of another boy I watch that I was an unsafe care giver.
'Crap' is what goes through my mind. quickly followed by 'wow did I screw up.' I can't believe that one bad 45 min home visit could destroy my reputation of 15 years as a good care giver, a trustworthy caregiver.
I can only believe my friends will paint a truer picture of me if they are confronted by the gossip.
I can only pray the parents that I presently babysit for will believe in me not someone else's perception of me.
And me? I guess I get to learn what happens when you are faced with your greatest fear... tough lesson to learn...

Football game!

Wow, how much fun did we have last night! Good friends of our gave us tickets to the Rider game last night, 50 yard line, right down in front (or is that behind) of the team. It was a gift that was to help us be refreshed after all the stress of moving and renos... It was refreshing all right but maybe not the way it was intended! We knew there was a severe t-shower warning but figured it would hold off until after the game...Wrong! It rained and rained... Less than 3 minutes into the final quarter the game was called to a standstill by the severe weather. Those of us not seated in under the overhangs made our way inside to be crowded in where it was dry (but certainly not warm!) 55 minutes later the game resumed. A sold out crowd had dwindled to a crowd of 16000+ die hard fans. No one sat and everyone cheered, even when the rain began again. It was energy like I had never experienced before. Crazy and wild, cold and wet fans all there for the love of the game... so very cool. The Riders themselves were energized by it and played like it... The highlights for me were little things... seeing GM Eric Tillman out in the rain, waving the rider flag, cheering his team on to victory, a soaking wet gopher still giving %110 when his team scored, even though the fire works were dead. A soaked to the bone vendor who was cheerful enough to sell warm burgers for a $1 during the power outage and come back and ask you how they were. And when it was all said and done and the Riders had won, as we were leaving our seats, soaked and chilled to the bone, we looked back and saw Riders and Eskimos alike on taking a knee in center field in the poring rain to Thank God for a game well played and no serious injuries. The rain may not have been the weather of choice but it will leave me with memories that otherwise I never would have had. It was an amazing night...

odds and ends

Why is it that I always wake up super early the days I know I have to be awake the longest!! Hate stress... must learn to cope better...
So I left children's ministry at church, well at least took a hiatus. Sucks royally but I just am not cut out for morning ministry and that's all that our church is offering right now. I hope it succeeds but it's just not the right fit for me. I stuck on worship team though.
So things were a bit muddy in my last post. All the stuff Bobby and I are going through have very little to do with the lack of his involvement in youth ministry though that does still have us feeling a bit bitter, I won't lie but it was a convenient truth not the whole truth.
It just feels like our church as a whole is cutting us out. As I was saying to a friend, not long ago, our perceptions are real but that doesn't make them true, so I can't say for a fact that our being 'cut out' is a truth but it is my perception. We don't feel very important or needed right now. So why did I cut myself off from my main ministry passion? Seems strange I know but the fact is the way children's ministry is being run now just doesn't fit me. I could be a warm body filling a time slot but that's just not how I think ministry should operate, you know?
As for Bobby well that's his story to tell but I know he is hurting and that is so hard to watch. God will bring us through and we'll be better and stronger for this struggle. That's one perception I know is true!
In other news, I am back to full time babysitting, for the most part I am enjoying it. Makes the days go by anyway. My basement isn't finished yet so it's not what I had envisioned just yet but it is getting there.
The kids are in VBS this week and really enjoying it. It's a grand week!
Have a good one!

love summer...hate summer

So it's August and I'm still living surrounded by boxes... sigh. I've spent so much cash on baskets and storage bins in these last few days, now I just need to put them to good use. Think Mom and I are going to paint the hallways tomorrow. That is the last of the major jobs... upstairs anyway. Downstairs is a whole 'nother ballgame and I start babysitting in less than two weeks! It will all get done I'm sure.
Anyway we are having a huge get together in threeish weeks to say thanks to everyone who came and helped us move. Should be good motivation to get done the unpacking...
Summer this year has been such a mix of good and bad, I'll be glad to see it over and get life back to an even keel though I'm not sure what that will even look like. there could be very big change in the air for us as a family as we consider changing church families. That's always such a hard thing to do, especially when you don't really want to leave but feel like you have to in order to do what God has called you to do. We both want to minister in ways that we just can't seem to at right now... is changing churches the answer or do we wait it out and see what God has in store at this church?? God is seemingly being quiet on this one. For now, I think we wait it out and see how the fall goes.
What I know is this, if my husband does not find a fit in ministry, he is going to continue to die by inches inside. We were all made to serve and when you can't, part of you dies. It is so hard to watch that happen in the one I love especially when I know how good he is at youth ministry.
Well if any of my pastor's read this I guess I'll have some explaining to do but maybe that's what needs to happen. Wounds can't heal if they are left to fester, now can they...

Saying Good-bye

When you say good-bye to a person, there's a reasonable expectation of grief, loss, sadness and tears. Saying good-bye to a home, I've realized brings out all of those emotions as well and then some...
Our trailer went to it's new owner today and somehow I can't help feeling like I've lost a member of my family. I've lived there for ten whole years which is about 8 years longer than I've ever lived anywhere else. I went to that home as a young bride with an infant daughter, I left a mother of three who finally has a pretty good handle on who she is as a person. I watched all my babies take their first steps in that place. So many memories and traditions were created there, so many friendships made. It's hard to say good-bye even though I know we've out grown the space. It's time for change I know but I need to grieve the home that watched me grow up as well.
I'd like to think I'm leaving one home for another as a smarter wiser woman and yet in some ways I know I'm stupider than ever ;-) I still have my hang-ups and I still get disillusioned too easily. I still forget that I'm a grown up sometimes. But I've learned that I can change and adapt to changes in others. I've learned that friendship is a two way street and I don't have to walk that road alone. I've learned that motherhood is the greatest challenge and blessing there is on this earth. I've learned that being a good wife is an amazing gift not only to my husband but to myself. I've found my place and no matter what walls shelter me, I know who I am.
I thank God for the past decade with all it's struggles, life and death moments, laughs, tears, storms and rainbows. I thank God for every opportunity that came my way, the ones I took and the ones I didn't.
I'm thankful for a new chapter in my life. I can't wait to see what God does in this home, the lives He will touch, the joys he will bring, the opportunities to grow through stuggles. Bring on the storms and the rainbows... life awaits...

YOUR HOUSE
by Gail Rodgers
In our area the housing market has gone sky high. Everywhere people are talking about it. Some are relieved they bought before the climb started. Others are discouraged that they will not be able to move to a bigger house as their family grows. Some wonder if they will ever own their own home. A lot of emotion surrounds the issue of "your house".Where do you live? Is it an apartment, a cabin, a crowded area of the city, in the country, in a new home, an old home, a home in disarray with remodeling or repair?As we discussed this issue of housing my dear husband offered one of his wise insights. He said, "A house is just the box that HOME is in."How true. The walls that contain your home, the location of it, whether it's an apartment, a new home or even an unconventional home in a garage all pale in importance to what your HOME is like on the inside.I don't mean what dcor you have or if it's messy or clean. No, I mean what you have created within those walls. Regardless of the look and location of where you live, what atmosphere meets those who enter?Is your home a refuge from the world for your loved ones? Is it a place where they can come when the world is harsh and they know they will find loving arms, even when they make mistakes?We are not the sole contributors to the atmosphere in our homes. Those we share it with share that responsibility as well. Yet what we contribute does make a difference. If you are feeling disgruntled with the place you live in, choose to change your attitude today, invite God to help you do one thing today to make it a pleasing place to come to. It may simply be putting a smile on your face and warmth in your voice as others enter.Remember that the outward walls are simply the box that houses the heart of your home. "By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures" (Proverbs 24: 2 - 4 ).~Lord, however humble or grand my home may be, help me to make it a place of peace for those who enter. In Jesus' name, amen.Questions to ponder: What is the atmosphere like in your "home"; is it a place of refuge? What is one thing you could do to make your HOME more of a place of welcome/peace even when mistakes have been made?About the AuthorThis devotional was written by Gail Rodgers. Learn more about Gail: http://www.tmdevotionals.com/women/authors/gail-rodgers/

Two fathers

So yesterday was my dads birthdays. My dad turned 66 and my best friends' dad, whom I've claimed as my own turned 74. And for the first time in any one's memory, we actually got the two of them to sit down and talk. I do pray it's the beginning of a wonderful friendship. They can learn a lot one from the other. I'll be interested to see where it goes. It was really something to listen to my dad share part of his spiritual journey with Teddy. It was like listening to my own story. I had never realised that dad struggled with the faithfulness of God in much the same way I did. I never would have thought it. Learn something new everyday.
Speaking of birthdays, my dad spouted off a tidbit of info yesterday. I guess if there are 20 people in a room, it's guaranteed that at least two people will share a birthday (not the year just day and month). Try it and see!
Hmm, anything else to share?? Don't think so. Guess I should get on with my day and do all the stuff I avoided yesterday...

JUNE...already??

How did that happen? Time sure flies... when you spend all your time on Facebook. It's been fun reconnecting with old friends and finding out strange and wonderful things about people you didn't really care about in the past but hey they asked to be your friend so why not? (no I am not mentioning anynames here... you can all have a complex, just like me!)
Anyway, Bobby and I started packing up the hosue yesterday... so much fun. Well not really. The only thing I am dreading more than packing is well you guessed it, unpacking. I know I am going to have like 4 times the space but I still can't imagine where we are going to put everything. I just know I don;t want a cluttered mess anymore. Clean and streamlined... yeah right, like that will ever happen in a million years. Good thing God doesn't love me based on how clean and organised my house is...
So in my packing I came across an old journal entry (I only have about 100 started and then abandoned journals laying around) This one was neat to find because it reminded me of a time a few years ago when the light bulb went off that God really was faithful, he didn't just say he was, HE REALLY WAS and is. Funny how I still struggle with that sometimes. I still have my moments where it would just be easier to believe he doesn't exist but really my life would be so meaningless if that were the truth. What is the point of life if we are not here to serve something greater than ourselves. And God is the only thing that makes sense to me in that scenario. Over and over in my life God has proved Himself worthy of my trust and faith. Why do I ever doubt it?
And on a lighter note... it's a beautiful day out and I am successfully avoiding laundry and all other forms of house work... at least until I finish this blog!

little girls...

So here's a fun story...
I finally got my brain rolling on Camp, working hard on my own modern version of the Good Samaritan. I'm in the zone so to speak, even hung up on my sister to not lose my train of thought... I mean I was really cooking.
So Brenna comes and asks if she can warm a banana muffin in the microwave. Sure I say. How long do I put it in for she asks. 30 seconds I answer. Well almost three minutes later Brenna says Mom there's smoke coming out of the microwave!! And I look back to see yes indeed there is a ton of smoke billowing out of the microwave and the timer says 27:16. Brenna had set the timer for 30 minutes! And that banana muffin was literally on fire... talk about really cooking!
By the way burning banana muffins smell really really bad!

camp...

Who knew getting ready for Bible camp would be so hard? I really shouldn't be having this much trouble getting my thoughts from my brain to my computer... I think I need a secretary that can record my thought s as I babble and then put it into some sort of order, now that would be a good idea...sigh.
Actually, it's probably going better than I think, I'm just hard on myself. The truth is I'm breaking bad habits like leaving everything to the last minute! I have three sessions done, only seven more to go... yikes. I would like to be finished by this time next week so that I can start packing up the house in June.
Speaking of the house... we had the house inspection last week. We are in for a lot of work but it will be so worth it in the end. We have a lot to do to make the house energy efficient and a few major reno projects and a lifetime of smaller projects. I'm hopeful that everything will be in good enough shape that i can start babysitting Aug 1st. we have to tear down the basement ceiling and re run duct work but all in all that shouldn't take too long I hope.
So much going on in my life right now... it's no wonder I'm feeling so scatterbrained and unfocused. Two major projects at one time is not a good idea... note to self, let's not do this again!
Anyway, that's all for my rant today... back to work on Bible camp...

Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day again? Wow the years are flying by. I still remember my first Mother's Day, spent in the Hospital with my just over a week old baby who was still supposed to be inside me for another 6 weeks! Bobby gave me a card that to this day just makes me chuckle. It said that I was just too impatient to wait a whole 'nother year for my first Mother's day! It's still sort of true, I love Mother's Day, the home made gifts, the pretty cards, the occasional bouquet of flowers. Somehow, my family always makes the day special. I try to do the same for my mom and I hope I succeed. She has always been so amazing. She is more like Grammy Wolfe everyday and trust me that is high praise. I see strength in her, resolve and sometimes sheer stubbornness. Those very qualities were the very reason I had named the little scrap of humanity that celebrated that first Mother's day with me after the amazing women that are my mother and grandmother.
Happy Mother's Day Mom... I love you

Just a quick note to let you know that Bobby and I have bought a house Yep we bought the old converted church after all. We take possession July 3rd and will then have two weeks to move out of our trailer. We're hoping to get a couple of the reno type things out of the way before we move in about the 15th of July.
It's going to be a CRAZY summer as I am speaking at bible camp July 22-27 as well as expecting a visit from my brother(s) right around the 15th.

oops, we did it again...

Good Morning... house saga post
The first house we put an offer in on was a converted church. It's a massive house that needs some work to make it everything we want. Sadly we couldn't reach an agreement with the owners on a price we liked. So we've been looking at other houses and have quickly discovered that there just isn't anything out there that meets our needs that's in our price range. It's been a bit discouraging...
So for the last few days Bobby and I have really been struggling with the whole house issue. Neither one of us was really ready to let the converted church house go. I mean really, it's not the perfect house but it has so much of what we wanted. Granted, it's not the layout we wanted but it does have a lot of the elements we've always dreamed of including a huge master suite, main floor laundry and lots of bathrooms! Anyway, the more we prayed and thought about it, the more it gripped us so we took the plunge and went back with another offer. We will here by noon today if they accepted it. Either way I think we both feel settled now. If we lose it again, it just wasn't meant to be but if it all works out well we'll be homeowners of a character home that will keep us busy with weekend projects for years to come! I'll keep you posted!

Monday... uugh

I used to love Mondays... it was so fun to annoy everyone in high school by being super cheery on any given Monday morning. Now Mondays just remind me of everything I didn't get done on the weekend! This week it is the laundry that I avoided so that led to a nasty few minutes this morning trying to find school clothes for the girls. Besides that it is so hard to dress these girls this time of year. Cool in the morning and super hot in the afternoon... so frustrating.
Anyway, our weekend was super busy. Anna had her birthday party after school on Friday. I think it went OK. Then Sat we headed into Regina to see my sister and two of her kids. When we got home Anna , Em and I ran out to a friends 50th bd party. So it was a late night.
Sunday, we had a big celebration at church... or at least it was supposed to be. Nobody seemed super excited or anything. It was pretty subdued for a crowd that was supposed to be excited about what God was going to do in our church. Sadly I have to count myself in that number. I'm not really sure what the deal was...
And lastly in my Monday morning rant... I think we are going to put another offer in on the converted church house. Maybe 160000 is unreasonable but compared to what else is out there it's a steal. I really do want the basement for a day care. So confusing... I wish I had a better sense of what the right course of action is here.

So it's the middle of the week and I am just about to run out the door to Bible Study. We are studying the book of Daniel. It has made my brain stretch I'll tell you! What I love the most right now is how clear God makes it that He really does know everything! Nothing surprises Him and that brings me a lot of comfort. It's nice to know that the unknown future to me is the known past to Him. Sounds confusing I know but I'm glad that God knows we will have a place to live! I can rest in that knowledge and enjoy the journey a little bit more.
As an aside, last night was so much fun. All of 'our boys' and a a few of our girls are home from university/college and we had quite the welcome home houseful last night. So much laughter and teasing. It was great fun! I'll have to tell you about the crew sometime...

11 years old

My best friend and I are just about to take our daughters out to celebrate their 11th birthdays. I can hardly believe that these precious girls are that old but even more astonishing is how long us moms have been friends!
AS I look back through the years of our friendship it is amazing to em that we managed to hang onto it at all. Our lives once so similar are now so different... I am blessed everyday by the differences and the once again growing similarities. 13 years, a wedding, sharing pregnancies, a divorce and remarriage, lots of drama but I'll tell you a more dependable friend I'll not likely find. She can be my voice of reason when no one else can... For that I am grateful for many years of friendship.... even if those years do mean our girls are on the edge of teenagedom

Well here I am

So I figure it's time to join the world of blogging... I read enough of everybody elses.
Anyway The BIG news in my life is that we've sold our home. The big question in my life is now what?
When I was a little girl I had a book that was all about a bird who wasn't happy with her nest and so she went on a search for the best nest. Well in the end she ended up back where she had started. I don't expect that to happen to me but the moral of the story for me is that no matter where we live, it will be the best nest because it will be full of my family, my joy, my journey and most important, God will be there, no matter where I go.
And now it's time for me to go get my girls for lunch but be sure to check back as I will keep you posted on the search for Susie's new nest...