what a Monday

There are some days you expect to be hard and they aren't and other times you get blindsided by a simple thing like looking at Father's Day cards...
let me explain... today is my dads 68th birthday and it would have been Teddy's 70 something birthday. I always tried to get my 'dad's' together even for a moment just to enjoy the moment of watching two incredible men interact! So I expected today to be hard but it wasn't. I am profoundly grateful that I still have my dad and I'm profoundly sad that Rosanne's dad isn't with her anymore but today was good. Rose and I had tea and I gave Mama D a yellow rose bush... all good.
Now Sat whilst in Regina, I started looking at Father's Day Cards and almost ended up in a puddle on the floor remembering what a special relationship Rose had with her dad and how much she misses him... crazy
Oh and Bobby started his new job today! nothing to say about it yet but he seems happy at the end of the day. He preached a great sermon yesterday... I wish Dad had been able to be there but he was working and I'm pretty sure our 'other' dad was whispering in his ear! Teddy would have been proud...
Off to eat a yummy supper in my messy house.... must do something about the second part...

weeds

I have decided I hate weeds but pulling weeds has become a very important part of my day. I appreciate the beauty that is highlighted when I pull the weeds from around my flowers. What was pretty becomes quite stunning when you remove the distractions around it.
Again a good metaphor for our Christian walk. When we remove the distractions of life, God make us truly stunning. Something for me to think about today... maybe you too.
In other thought processes, my niece is graduating from high school in two weeks, doesn't make me feel old exactly but I am realizing the passage of time. It seems like only yesterday I was a 16 year old kid completely in love with this lil baby that changed our family simply by being there. she was the center of my world for awhile and truth be told, I still love her an awful lot. She's pretty amazing, lip ring and all...
Remember a while back I was talking ( ok rambling) about God's promises being delayed like spring has been? Well Spring is HERE and life has taken a good turn. Bobby has taken a new job that is exactly what he has been praying and maybe even longing for. We are so blessed. God even made sure there was somebody in place to take his old job as not to leave his boss in a bind. Love it when God is in the details ;-)
guess I'm done rambling for the moment... enjoy the sunshine if you have it!

You know I just realized how many of my blogs start with the word So....
So anyway, Bobby started a new job on Monday, so far so good.
Hmm thought I felt like updating but I really don't.
Fast forward version... Anna is 13 now! had a great party and now begins the lfe of a teenager
Having major plumbing issues and leaks around the house... ick
I'll come back later, maybe ;-)

So it's like 4 am, been awake for awhile now. I'm sick with a cold... sneezing, headache, sniffles. Just seemed easier to get up :)
Bobby got laid off a few weeks ago, did I mention that? Still no job in sight. And yesterday I los my babysitting job so yeah... not sure what happens now. We depend on God. Wat comforth there should be in that statement and to some extent there is but in the midst of this I have to wonder how He will show up? I know He will but will I recognise it ? Will I see Him in the midst of the crashing waves? or will I think he's just a ghost?
God give me eyes to see, ears to hear and a heart to obey...
Be glorified!

Baby boy and other news

So Joelle had a baby boy. I so cannot wait to meet the lil guy. I suppose I don't have much choice however... Still I'm glad to know he arrived safe and sound into the arms of two such amazing people.
I'm feeling much better about life in general today... enjoying the quietness of a Saturday. You can smell spring today, maybe it will arrive soon. If nothing else at least the sun feels warm again.
Nothing on the job front yet. I think Bobby will take his time and try to find something that will really suit him. We don't need to rush into anything just yet. Really wish people could understand that... oh well.
Bobby gets to 'preach' next Sunday I'm looking forward to hearing where God leads him with it. It will be Palm Sunday which is one of my favorite Sunday actually. It makes me sad that most churches let it go by mostly unnoticed. For me the observance of the beginning of Easter week is key. To really know that Jesus knew what was coming and STILL chose to enter Jerusalem... still chose the cross.... just wow...

So It's March, there is still snow on the ground, not even dirty melting snow.... nope fresh white stuff. Have to say it's kinda gross. I remember last fall planting all those spring bulbs so excited for what spring would bring my way, the colors that would display the glory of God's creation and imagination, right in my front yard. And here we are at the end of march and not a bloom or a sprout to be seen. Spring has been delayed.
Somehow that seems an interesting metaphor for my life right now. Spring has been delayed. We thought we were on a pretty good course, new home, new church, new job and somehow it's all just sort of new troubles... sigh.
I probably shouldn't blog at 10:30 at night.... I'm a bit blue but I guess I have to process somehow ;-)
So here it is: the house is wonderful if needing more renos than we can afford. I am blessed to have a home that meets my needs and the needs of my family. It's a cozy lil nest all in all. New roof is going to cost 12 grand... a nest would be cheaper but a tad crowded. (no room for a pool table, would never work!) Ok that bit of blue has turned silver...
Church is well church... not even going to go there. God will continue to work in my heart and heal the wounds...
Bobby lost his job yesterday, not sure what else to say about that. God will sustain and provide. I have full and complete confidence in my King. I will choose to be thankful everyday and when I do feel blue I will remember His promises. They may be like the flower bulbs buried under the snow, waiting for the right moment to burst forth but they are there. Spring WILL come. And I will be all the more grateful when it does :-)
I'm going to go climb into my comfy bed with the love of my life now. Resting in the arms of the man who loves me shall chase away any remaining blues... we will rest together in the palm of the ONE who holds us and carries us through every trial and joy...
[Hmmm maybe joelle will have a baby tonight... that would sure chase away the blues too ;-)]

LAWRENCE LETTER FOR 2008
It’s been a few years since I have written a newsletter so I figured I’d better get one out this year!
Bobby is still enjoying youth ministry though he is moving into working with young Adults now as ‘our’ teenagers are growing up on us! Our basement has become a favorite hang out for many young men and women. Much laughter is heard around our new pool table! The basement enjoyed a face life this summer and we enjoy spending a lot of time down there! Bobby also just started a new job. He is no longer behind the wheel of the big trucks. He is working for an oilfield company as an indoor sales person and safety coordinator. The regular hours are nice and we have our weekends back! Yay!
Susanna was blessed enough to speak at 2 bible camps this summer. It was such a great privilege to see God move in the hearts of so many children. Susanna is still babysitting and is now a Synchro Mom! With two of the girls in the sport, it was inevitable that she would get involved. It is great fun. Her other highlight of the year was to catch her very first fish! We had a bit of a holiday up at Turtle Lake, SK and on our last boat ride She caught a beauty! Had to throw it back though ;-) Bobby says he is very glad to have a wife that honestly loves football and fishing…. He’d love her anyway but this sure makes it easier! Haha!!
AnnaRose was very excited to receive her STAR level 2 in Synchronized swimming recently. She works very hard at her sport and it has given her so much self-confidence and joy. She is doing well in 6th grade and is enjoying the perks of being old enough to go to youth group and join in the youth bible study! Anna was baptized in October and already we can see how that has become a pivotal place in walk with Christ. She has made up her mind to follow Him whatever the cost. We are proud of our girl for taking this step. Anna also had the amazing experience of having a lead role in the Missoula’s Children’s Theater production of Robin Hood. She played Maid Marion! It was such fun for her.

Emily hasn’t found her ‘thing’ as of yet but she loves her friends and loves to play around on the computer! She enjoys her piano lessons and is doing well in 5th grade. She really broke out of her shell this year and tried out for a part in the production of Robin Hood as well! She played the part of one of the palace guards. Emily also stayed busy helping out at the kids club at our church. We are sure seeing her servant’s heart developing!

Brenna has discovered the world of Synchronized swimming as well She is in the beginners program. Next year she will join Anna in the Estevan Mermaids! She can’t wait! Grade 3 is going along fabulously for Brenna. She looks forward to school and playing with her buddies. Piano is a fun activity as well. Brenna continues to keep us on our toes with her often-unexpected deep questions! Brenna exercised her acting abilities in Robin Hood as well. She surprised everyone with her portrayal of King Richard!
Quite the Cutie!

We had the privilege of sharing our home with one of our ‘boys’ this summer while he was home for the summer. Our girls loved having a big brother! Their joy at seeing Moose is only surpassed by a visit from Uncle Freddy!
Our family enjoyed a good year. It had its ups and downs and all arounds as every year does. We went to many weddings and welcomed new babies and made new friends. We said good-bye to the dearest of men early in the summer and as Christmas approaches we still grieve the loss of a mentor and friend. Teddy really was one of the good ones. Christmas just won’t be quite the same without him but we will find joy in the holiday as family and friends and the love of our Savior surround us.
Merry Christmas one and all and Happy New Year too! Anytime you find yourself in our neighborhood feel free to drop in for a cup of tea or a game of pool!


Much love,
The Lawrence Family,
Bobby, Susanna, AnnaRose, Emily and Brenna
Rocky, Sandy, Ginger and assorted fish ;-)

Camp...

I don't think I can finish writing about Dad D just yet. His name will probably pop up in the post whether I mean for it to or not however...
LBC July 8-13. Mom and I left for Kindersley at 8:00 am on Monday July 7, (my 34th bd). We traveled fast and got to spend most of the afternoon with my sister and her family. We even managed a bit of a birthday party. Mom drove Anna and me out to LBC Tuesday. It was an experience I'll tell you, the whole week I mean. I will forever be changed by those 5 days.
Here's the highlights... Dylan, Kaitlyn, and Ian. Those will be the three names and faces that I will always remember. Anyway. Tuesday and Wed were kinda rough for me. Chapels went well but my heart was torn. I so wanted to be home with the Dirpauls.
Thursday morning I woke up at 5 am to the sound of a downpour. Now if you've ever been to bible camp (or any camp!) there is nothing worse than trying to make a rainy day FUN. By Staff meeting at 8, it hadn't really let up and all of the staff was feeling down. Our director asked us where we were on a scale of 1-10. When my turn came I said "It doesn't matter what I am now by chapel I'm gonna be a 10." and I shared with the staff how my heart was torn but how I wanted to see God work in amazing ways that day and I believed he would if we just got out of his way and let him!
We came out of staff meeting and all around us there were clouds but right above our camp was a big patch of blue sky and sunshine! All day long when we were inside it would rain and when we needed to be outside it would be sunny. And that evening just before chapel there was a double rainbow that went ground to ground right over the LBC chapel building! That night I was sharing the Gospel message. God moved in such a mighty way. There were about 40 campers there and about 3/4 of the way through my message I asked them if they were ready to say yes to Jesus. Spontaneously about a 1/3 of them looked up at me and yelled YES. It was incredible. I gave the alter call and about 25 children ran for the front. My first reaction was to panic! I'd never had this happen before! It was evident that God was in control. I prayed with the kids and then some left, some stayed and prayed with councilors.
I got to pray with Ian. I asked him what what his heart was telling him. He replied "That this is right." How simple and how true. He was so excited b/c he had just learned how to use his Bible that day. Now he could look up verses all on his own! I loved watching Ian the rest of the week. He praised God with everything his little body had! Dance and sing like nobody was watching.... and really nobody was except for me and all of heaven who was rejoicing with him!
Dylan was a pudgy little guy who came up to me after and said "My mom's gonna be real happy that I did this. She said it would make me a better person. And my dad's gonna be happy too cause he said accepting Jesus made HIM a better person!" My heart smiled...
Kaitlyn was a girl that you could tell just didn't quite fit. You could just see that she was bullied and unaccepted. We talked for a bit and she said 'I'm 90% decided and 10% scared. I'm scared this will be just one more thing I will get teased about.' We talked and prayed some more and then she asked me to leave her be for a bit. 'Come back and check on me in 20 minutes.' she said. I left smiling I knew it wouldn't take that long. Sure enough about 10 minutes later, a little arm snuck around my waist. I looked down into Kaitlyn's eyes. "you've decided?" She smiled and nodded while a few gentle tears rolled down her cheeks.
Yep there is nothing like seeing a life changed by Jesus' love. And what a privilege to be God's instrument. Yeah I'm forever changed...
my hands hurt. I'll tell you all about EBC next time...

Summertime news

So July has been crazy. Ups and downs and all arounds!
July 1st was fun, we did all the usual stuff, the parade , the play park and the fireworks. Oh and we spent some time with Dad Dirpaul as well. The Third Anna was in the parade and their was a float dedicated to dad Dirpaul. The Heart and stroke foundation rides a Big Bike every year (one of those HUGE bikes with like 30 riders... call themselves the Medical Maniacs) Every year they dedicate their ride to someone who has had heart trouble and this year they chose Dad. I took lots of pictures and as soon as the parade was over I went up to the hospital to show Dad. Little did I know that would be the last time I would see him.
The 3 and 4th were spent getting ready to head for camp.
The morning of the 5th my day started with a phone call at 8:30 from my dearest friend in the world. " Dad's gone Susanna, he's gone."
The first thought that went through my head was HOW AM I supposed to leave for camp now? God what are you doing?. This thought was quickly followed by Of course I have to go to camp, Teddy wouldn't want it any other way and besides, God wasn't surprised by this. HE KNEW this was going to happen. He wouldn't call me to camp and then change his mind... so I spent as much time as I could with the Dirpaul's over the weekend and come Monday morning, Mom and I headed out...
More coming later

why am I not surprised

Hollywood rarely takes me by surprise these days. The news of Heath Ledger's death saddened me greatly as he is a fine actor and seemed to be a pretty decent human being. What I wish surprised me was the callous and depraved way that the media is handling this news. Do we really need web video of the man's body being taken by the coroner? I mean really, are we as a people that callous? I guess the answer is yes we are.
I cannot help but wonder how much lower our society can go? I wish it surprised me but somehow it just doesn't. It does make me very sad. I pray that I can rise above it and not be sucked into the black hole that seems to be swallowing us whole. No more Brittany watch for me, no more ET. It's time to focus on other things and try to make a difference in this world while we still have a chance...

Come and gone

So 2007 has left us and we're already well into 2008! Life has been full of changes this past year. I don't think I coped very well... But it feels as though the veil has lifted and I can once again breathe deeply and look forward to tomorrow. Praise God for that!
So in 2007, we bought a new house, we left our church, friendships changed, some grew, some died, but none stayed the same. I cannot think of one thing in my life that is the same today as it was only one year ago. God is the same but our relationship is different...
What will 2008 bring? My babies will turn 8, 10 and 12! Bobby and I will celebrate 14 years of marriage. My parents will go away for two months! We'll travel to at least two family weddings. Anna will compete in her first Synchro competition. While there are no major plans in the works, I can guarantee it will be a busy year full of, if nothing else.... change.

Proud of my girl!

AnnaRose joined the Estevan Mermaids this year. That's our local Synchronised swimming team. She's been working so hard and last night the judge came down to do star testing. To receive a level one star, the girls had to preform a few figures and demonstrate some basic stuff like back layouts and so on. The 5 girls in Anna's group have been working very hard and I'm thrilled to say they all received their level one star. One girl in the group got her Level 2 star as well. Way to go!Anna was so tired at the end of her exam. She swam over to me and put her head down on the edge of the pool, too tired to even tell me she passed! In the change room she told me she was very proud of her self in an exhausted sort of way! I think it's the hardest thing she's ever done and she did it well. She's come such a long way since September and not just in swimming. She is growing into a beautiful young lady who is in control of her emotions (most of the time) and thoughtful and kind.My miracle baby continues to amaze me....

Gospel Chapel and other stuff

I'm not really ready to 'blog out' my whole church saga just yet but wanted to say we are settling back into a church we used to attend. They have welcomed us back with love and support. They have reminded us what church is 'supposed' to be about.
And God has restored a long ago friendship that was broken. It is good to have 'my boy' back. I've missed my lifelong best friend. Someday I'll tell that story too...

Who knew?

Who knew that this blog would not only chronicle my search for a new house but a new church as well? God did.
Anyway, this morning, my daughters and I are heading to the Church of Christ. I won't lie, it feels strange not going to EAC but I'm excited too. I can't wait to see what God has in store for this new chapter in life!

biggest fears

You know how all your life you're afraid of one thing that just might happen? Ok maybe you don't worry about it but I do. All my grown up life I've been afraid that my big mouth will get me in more trouble than I can get out of. I've been afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing to the wrong person and boom... I'm a bad person, my good reputation replaced with a bad one. Well I think I may have finally done it.
I had a meeting with a babysitting client, one final home visit before I began to babysit. Up to this point all is going great and we're set to go. I said some stupid thing that put me in a really bad light. It was meant as a joke, to help this mom relax about something and well it backfired in a big way.
Not only did she decide not to bring her son to my day home, she informed the parents of another boy I watch that I was an unsafe care giver.
'Crap' is what goes through my mind. quickly followed by 'wow did I screw up.' I can't believe that one bad 45 min home visit could destroy my reputation of 15 years as a good care giver, a trustworthy caregiver.
I can only believe my friends will paint a truer picture of me if they are confronted by the gossip.
I can only pray the parents that I presently babysit for will believe in me not someone else's perception of me.
And me? I guess I get to learn what happens when you are faced with your greatest fear... tough lesson to learn...

Football game!

Wow, how much fun did we have last night! Good friends of our gave us tickets to the Rider game last night, 50 yard line, right down in front (or is that behind) of the team. It was a gift that was to help us be refreshed after all the stress of moving and renos... It was refreshing all right but maybe not the way it was intended! We knew there was a severe t-shower warning but figured it would hold off until after the game...Wrong! It rained and rained... Less than 3 minutes into the final quarter the game was called to a standstill by the severe weather. Those of us not seated in under the overhangs made our way inside to be crowded in where it was dry (but certainly not warm!) 55 minutes later the game resumed. A sold out crowd had dwindled to a crowd of 16000+ die hard fans. No one sat and everyone cheered, even when the rain began again. It was energy like I had never experienced before. Crazy and wild, cold and wet fans all there for the love of the game... so very cool. The Riders themselves were energized by it and played like it... The highlights for me were little things... seeing GM Eric Tillman out in the rain, waving the rider flag, cheering his team on to victory, a soaking wet gopher still giving %110 when his team scored, even though the fire works were dead. A soaked to the bone vendor who was cheerful enough to sell warm burgers for a $1 during the power outage and come back and ask you how they were. And when it was all said and done and the Riders had won, as we were leaving our seats, soaked and chilled to the bone, we looked back and saw Riders and Eskimos alike on taking a knee in center field in the poring rain to Thank God for a game well played and no serious injuries. The rain may not have been the weather of choice but it will leave me with memories that otherwise I never would have had. It was an amazing night...

odds and ends

Why is it that I always wake up super early the days I know I have to be awake the longest!! Hate stress... must learn to cope better...
So I left children's ministry at church, well at least took a hiatus. Sucks royally but I just am not cut out for morning ministry and that's all that our church is offering right now. I hope it succeeds but it's just not the right fit for me. I stuck on worship team though.
So things were a bit muddy in my last post. All the stuff Bobby and I are going through have very little to do with the lack of his involvement in youth ministry though that does still have us feeling a bit bitter, I won't lie but it was a convenient truth not the whole truth.
It just feels like our church as a whole is cutting us out. As I was saying to a friend, not long ago, our perceptions are real but that doesn't make them true, so I can't say for a fact that our being 'cut out' is a truth but it is my perception. We don't feel very important or needed right now. So why did I cut myself off from my main ministry passion? Seems strange I know but the fact is the way children's ministry is being run now just doesn't fit me. I could be a warm body filling a time slot but that's just not how I think ministry should operate, you know?
As for Bobby well that's his story to tell but I know he is hurting and that is so hard to watch. God will bring us through and we'll be better and stronger for this struggle. That's one perception I know is true!
In other news, I am back to full time babysitting, for the most part I am enjoying it. Makes the days go by anyway. My basement isn't finished yet so it's not what I had envisioned just yet but it is getting there.
The kids are in VBS this week and really enjoying it. It's a grand week!
Have a good one!

love summer...hate summer

So it's August and I'm still living surrounded by boxes... sigh. I've spent so much cash on baskets and storage bins in these last few days, now I just need to put them to good use. Think Mom and I are going to paint the hallways tomorrow. That is the last of the major jobs... upstairs anyway. Downstairs is a whole 'nother ballgame and I start babysitting in less than two weeks! It will all get done I'm sure.
Anyway we are having a huge get together in threeish weeks to say thanks to everyone who came and helped us move. Should be good motivation to get done the unpacking...
Summer this year has been such a mix of good and bad, I'll be glad to see it over and get life back to an even keel though I'm not sure what that will even look like. there could be very big change in the air for us as a family as we consider changing church families. That's always such a hard thing to do, especially when you don't really want to leave but feel like you have to in order to do what God has called you to do. We both want to minister in ways that we just can't seem to at right now... is changing churches the answer or do we wait it out and see what God has in store at this church?? God is seemingly being quiet on this one. For now, I think we wait it out and see how the fall goes.
What I know is this, if my husband does not find a fit in ministry, he is going to continue to die by inches inside. We were all made to serve and when you can't, part of you dies. It is so hard to watch that happen in the one I love especially when I know how good he is at youth ministry.
Well if any of my pastor's read this I guess I'll have some explaining to do but maybe that's what needs to happen. Wounds can't heal if they are left to fester, now can they...

Saying Good-bye

When you say good-bye to a person, there's a reasonable expectation of grief, loss, sadness and tears. Saying good-bye to a home, I've realized brings out all of those emotions as well and then some...
Our trailer went to it's new owner today and somehow I can't help feeling like I've lost a member of my family. I've lived there for ten whole years which is about 8 years longer than I've ever lived anywhere else. I went to that home as a young bride with an infant daughter, I left a mother of three who finally has a pretty good handle on who she is as a person. I watched all my babies take their first steps in that place. So many memories and traditions were created there, so many friendships made. It's hard to say good-bye even though I know we've out grown the space. It's time for change I know but I need to grieve the home that watched me grow up as well.
I'd like to think I'm leaving one home for another as a smarter wiser woman and yet in some ways I know I'm stupider than ever ;-) I still have my hang-ups and I still get disillusioned too easily. I still forget that I'm a grown up sometimes. But I've learned that I can change and adapt to changes in others. I've learned that friendship is a two way street and I don't have to walk that road alone. I've learned that motherhood is the greatest challenge and blessing there is on this earth. I've learned that being a good wife is an amazing gift not only to my husband but to myself. I've found my place and no matter what walls shelter me, I know who I am.
I thank God for the past decade with all it's struggles, life and death moments, laughs, tears, storms and rainbows. I thank God for every opportunity that came my way, the ones I took and the ones I didn't.
I'm thankful for a new chapter in my life. I can't wait to see what God does in this home, the lives He will touch, the joys he will bring, the opportunities to grow through stuggles. Bring on the storms and the rainbows... life awaits...

YOUR HOUSE
by Gail Rodgers
In our area the housing market has gone sky high. Everywhere people are talking about it. Some are relieved they bought before the climb started. Others are discouraged that they will not be able to move to a bigger house as their family grows. Some wonder if they will ever own their own home. A lot of emotion surrounds the issue of "your house".Where do you live? Is it an apartment, a cabin, a crowded area of the city, in the country, in a new home, an old home, a home in disarray with remodeling or repair?As we discussed this issue of housing my dear husband offered one of his wise insights. He said, "A house is just the box that HOME is in."How true. The walls that contain your home, the location of it, whether it's an apartment, a new home or even an unconventional home in a garage all pale in importance to what your HOME is like on the inside.I don't mean what dcor you have or if it's messy or clean. No, I mean what you have created within those walls. Regardless of the look and location of where you live, what atmosphere meets those who enter?Is your home a refuge from the world for your loved ones? Is it a place where they can come when the world is harsh and they know they will find loving arms, even when they make mistakes?We are not the sole contributors to the atmosphere in our homes. Those we share it with share that responsibility as well. Yet what we contribute does make a difference. If you are feeling disgruntled with the place you live in, choose to change your attitude today, invite God to help you do one thing today to make it a pleasing place to come to. It may simply be putting a smile on your face and warmth in your voice as others enter.Remember that the outward walls are simply the box that houses the heart of your home. "By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures" (Proverbs 24: 2 - 4 ).~Lord, however humble or grand my home may be, help me to make it a place of peace for those who enter. In Jesus' name, amen.Questions to ponder: What is the atmosphere like in your "home"; is it a place of refuge? What is one thing you could do to make your HOME more of a place of welcome/peace even when mistakes have been made?About the AuthorThis devotional was written by Gail Rodgers. Learn more about Gail: http://www.tmdevotionals.com/women/authors/gail-rodgers/